5 Steps to Problem Solving any Conflict

How to move beyond worrying and start problem solving

Do you ever worry about a problem and continuously ruminate about it without ever actually solving the problem? Worrying is an action that occurs when we are feeling anxious or overwhelmed by a problem. When we put energy towards worrying, it only fuels anxiety and negativity. Rather than putting energy towards worrying, it is better to put energy towards productively problem solving and coping.

5 Steps of Problem Solving

When you have a problem or conflict, there are several ways you may handle it. One option would be to worry about the problem all day and night, leading you to think of worst-case scenarios, increase your anxiety, and cause you to be overwhelmed. The alternative is to use a systematic plan to problem solve. Let’s work through the 5 steps to problem solving.

1. Be specific about your problem with objective details

People tend to think about their problems in broad, vague, and catastrophic terms. Instead, we want to be as specific as possible about the exact problem. For example, patients come into my office and say that their problem is “work”. We break this down to figure out if it’s the workload, specific tasks, a difficult colleague, or maybe the supervisor. It is more manageable to problem solve when we can define the specific problem.

Furthermore, people tend to incorporate subjective thoughts and feelings. Instead we want to stick to the objective facts of the problem. This involves taking out the emotions of how the situation makes us feel because that will not solve the problem.

Let’s look at 3 examples of a problem. Determine which example is most specific and objective.

Example 1: “My teenager is being very rude”.

This example is too broad and vague. It doesn’t tell us exactly how she is being rude.

Example 2: “My teenager doesn’t care about my feelings and doesn’t appreciate everything I have done for her”.

This example is too emotional and focuses on how I feel about the situation, not the facts.”

Example 3: “My teenager doesn’t do her chores around the house and doesn’t tell me what time she will be home”.

This example is much more descriptive and detailed. It is easier to develop some potential solutions with this specific problem compared to the previous examples.

As we compare the 3 examples above, notice which is easiest to solve. In the first example in which the teenager is described as ‘rude’, it would be much harder to problem solve. Compare this to the third example in which we specifically identified how she is rude – doesn’t do her chores and doesn’t tell me what time she will be home.

2. Utilize brainstorming

Now that we have identified our specific problem, we utilize brainstorming skills by coming up with every possible solution. It can be difficult to problem solve when we feel that there is no good solution. When brainstorming, it is important to not judge a potential idea as being unreasonable or silly.  Negatively judging a potential solution can stifle our creativity in developing a solution. Write down all potential solutions without judgment.

3. Write a Pros-Cons List

After developing a list of potential solutions, we then determine which solution is the most practical. To identify the best solution, we select the top option (or top few options) and weigh the pros and cons of that option. This step allows us to look at the potential solution from a different viewpoint to determine if it really is the best option.

To create a pros-cons list, write down your top option along with two columns labeled ‘pros’ and ‘cons’. Think of all of the pros, or good aspects, of that option and write it in the ‘pros’ column. Next, think of all the cons, or bad/negative aspects, of the option and write it in the ‘cons’ option. The best option will include multiple pros that outweigh any cons. Oftentimes, one column is much longer than the other. This helps us to determine if it truly is the best option moving forward.

4. Choose the best solution and execute

Once we determine the best solution for our specific problem, we execute it.

Some solutions may involve a one-time execution of a solution. For example, let’s say my car is making a weird noise. My anxiety increases every time I drive and leads me to think of worst-case scenario (i.e., my car will break down on the bridge and I will flip over the railings into the water). I will implement a one-time solution to take my car to the mechanic to fix the weird noise. This is a one-time solution to fix the problem.

Other problems may involve persistence to implement the solution multiple times on a consistent basis. Let’s go back to our example of the teenager not doing her chores or telling what time she will be home. Implementing the solution one time is not going to fully fix the problem. It will likely take consistently implementing a solution until the teenager can routinely do her chores and tell me what time she will be home. It is important to be consistent in implementing the solution. Stick to it!

5. Evaluate after a specific period

It is critical to evaluate how the solution solved the problem after a designated time period. The time period can depend on the specific problem. In the example with the teenager, we may implement a one month period. Write down the end date to remember later. When that date occurs, evaluate what worked well, what needs to be improved, anything that needs to be adjusted, and if we want to continue implementing the solution.

This step is critical to identify what went well and how to improve. Then set another deadline to re-evaluate as you continue to implement the solution. If the solution worked well the first time, consider setting the deadline for either the same length or farther out. If the solution did not work very well the first time, considering setting your deadline earlier to re-evaluate sooner.

Conclusion

Take some time to think about the problems or stressors in your life. Work through the steps to identify the specific problem, develop potential solutions, and implement an appropriate solution. Keep being persistent when implementing the solution and evaluate the results. Adjust as needed.

Check out related articles:

How Stress Impacts Your Body

How Stress Can be Good for You

50 Easy Self-Care Ideas

 

Keep pushing, thrivers!